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I was born in Newport Beach California. My parents were Lutheran, and
my mom took me to Sunday
School until I was about 7 or 8. It was the same Lutheran Church on
Cliff Drive that Chuck Smith, the
founder of Calvary Chapel ,was having meetings at. When I was five
years old, my parents divorced. My
dad would come over on holidays, which was about the extent of any time
that we four children would see
of him. I remember him watching a football game on Thanksgiving, I
caught my dad’s excitement, which
he expressed over the plays those players were making. I even remember
one player, I think on the
Washington Redskins, hurdle over a group of opposing players. This
experience planted in me a deep
desire to play football, and football became my number one goal in life.
When I was about eleven, I prayed for a new Yamaha 125 motorcycle, like
my older brother Chris had
received as a graduation gift. After praying and praying, and not
receiving it, my faith in God came into
question. About a year earlier 1973, I had prayed for the Vietnam War
to end with all my heart, this after
hearing and seeing all of the carnage in the media. That prayer also
was not answered over night, causing
my faith to dwindle, thinking that God was somewhat distant.
When I was fifteen, I was in a no way out situation, living with my
verbally abusive and controlling step
dad. We had butt heads pretty much from the beginning. He had first
moved in when I was ten. My
mother had seen the tension, and was stuck in the middle of us. The
deriding and railing against me, had
shut me down to only responding to him with the shortest possible
answers. I determined never to engage
him in any conversation, so as to avoid any manipulation on his part by
turning my words back on me. I
had heard a rumor that my mother and grandmother were talking about me
possibly moving in with my
grandmother. I was sure that in was only idle chat, and there was no
way anything like that could, or ever
would, materialize. I wasn’t permitted to leave the house,
more or less, and never allowed to go to friends
houses, or go out to a movie etc.. Only working in his mechanics shop,
or around the yard was acceptable
behavior. It was truly like living under a totalitarian dictatorship,
with virtually no freedoms, and only the
oppression of accusatory and condemning words.
One night, on my bed in desperate hopelessness of anything ever
changing, I was considering the cruel
false hope of ever moving in with my grandmother. I thought that if God
could do this one thing, which
was impossible (Moving in with my grandmother.), then it
didn’t matter one bit that He hadn’t answered
those other prayers, the way I wanted them answered. This prayer
answered would cancel out all of that.
This was a very different situation in that the circumstances of
desperation and need were so great. So I
prayed with tears, and the next day or so, my mom said that I could
move in with my grandmother. I
thought she didn’t really mean it, and that she would shortly
change her mind, or that my step dad would
over ride the decision. Nevertheless, I stayed the night with my
grandmother after school that night and
day by day, my mom began moving my stuff. I still thought it
wasn’t really going to continue. But, my
grandmother would continue to lay things out to me, and was able to
assure me that this was truly my new
home. Her name was Esther, and she was given this authority for such a
time as this! I began by sleeping
in her living room on the couch-bed for about a month. I would go to
bed every night with this joy and
excitement from being free from tyranny. It was literally as though I
was being tickled as I went to sleep.
After that month, I was given my own room with a separate entrance, as
my grandmother rented out about
five separate rooms to tenants.
I was now able to spend time with my friends and began being
transformed from the biggest dork, in
conduct and dress, to one of the socialites of the Newport Beach
lifestyle. Before I was living in Santa Ana
Heights, and now I was in Newport Heights, actually about five houses
from the Newport Beach Boarder,
in Costa Mesa. But , I spent all of my waking hours in Newport Beach,
and many other non waking hours
staying at friends homes etc.. My entire wardrobe had changed, as I got
a job at a movie theatre ,and could
buy top name brands for the first time. I had been brought up with
clothes from K-mart, which at that time
was really looked down upon , even to the point of ridicule. I was
being somewhat excepted by the
“soc‘s“, pronounced sosh‘s,
short for
social‘s, as we called them, others might say
“preppies.” This was
due to getting in with the “in” crowd, which was
also
possible due to me having some success in football. I
was the starting quarterback on the sophomore team. We won league that
year, in the same league that
would have the number one and two ranked teams in the nation our Senior
year. (Edison , and Fountain
Valley )
That summer before my junior year, and most of my sophomore year, I had
began pursuing partying
with my new friends. I was quite faithful in this pursuit, and also
began pursuing the females at the same
time, with a little vise versa. There was never a short supply of
alcohol, primarily beer. Our group of about
five, and sometimes ten of us, had designated me as the chief beer
“barrower” from the local convenient
stores. Growing up in relative poverty, I had developed some
unfortunate skills. I believed that my new
found euphoria found in drinking was the answer for happiness in this
life. I could experience it anywhere,
anytime, and believed that I was set for life with this easily
accessible, formerly missing piece from my life.
One night we were on the prowl for females at the “Fun
Zone”, a touristy carnival type place in Balboa.
A group of my friends had gone ahead of me, and as I turned the corner
near the Balboa Pavilion, I saw two
of my friends arguing vehemently with a guy about something. I
couldn’t figure out what it was that could
have set them off in their fury. I just remember this one guy pleading
with my friends, in absolute
sincerity, with genuine compassion and concern for them. He was
pleading with them saying, “without
Jesus Christ you WILL go to hell”.
At this same time I had been going to my friends Youth group meetings
on Sunday mornings, because I
would often stay the night at his house after a night of partying.
There was another added incentive, his
grandmother would offer me a free brunch if I went. I didn’t
catch a word of the message they were trying
to convey, but just enjoyed the Newport Beach lifestyle hanging out at
my friend Tony’s house most
weekends on “Lido Island.” During this time, my
mother had heard about me going to Saint Andrews
Presbyterian, so she bought me “The Living Bible”.
I didn’t know it at this time, but she was still spending
hours, sometimes even the entire day, in my vacant room, literally
crying out to God in anguish and prayer
for me! The decision to allow me to move in with my grandmother was
very difficult for her.
My Bible had collected dust on my nightstand, until one day in October
of ‘79, when our football team,
Newport Harbor, was preparing to play the number one team in the
nation, Edison High. On that first day
of the week I remember standing there in my room, with a Playboy Center
Fold next to me on my door, and
praying the most sincere prayer I’d ever prayed. I said,
“God, I know your out there somewhere, (I was
picturing these pictures of the sun, with its massive flames coming out
from it) if this Jesus Christ IS
needed in my life somehow, (remembering that guy’s words at
the Fun Zone, and the possible pains of hell
awaiting me. I had suffered many things, and didn’t want to
take a chance on that being in my future), I
don’t know how, or how you could ever show me how He might be
needed, but I’m giving you the
chance and the time to do it.” In the back of my mind, I
figured that I would clear my conscience, and
then continue full steam ahead to “party on” for
the rest of my life.
I then began an investigation into the person of Jesus Christ,
whom
I only knew from pictures in the
newspaper at Easter, and had heard about from that young man in Balboa.
I read in the beginning pages of
this Bible, and it gave a little history of the Bible, and how to
approach it. It encouraged readers NOT to
start in Genesis, but rather in the book of Mark, which was quick, and
easy, and right to the point in regard
to the life of Jesus. After all, it was Jesus whom I was researching.
In the front of this Bible it also had
various topics relating to the issues of life, such as
“Discouraged”, “Fearful”,
“Insecure”, etc., each with
scriptures below it that applied to one’s life. This
“Living Bible” was written out in every day
language,
without the thee’s, and thou’s . As I began in the
book of
Mark, I was amazed at how easy it was to
understand. I had been told that you can’t understand the
Bible,
yet I was understanding it perfectly. As I
read, I would begin to read faster and faster in anticipation of what
Jesus was going to say or do next. I
had always hated to read, and for the first time I was actually
enjoying reading.. I thought that the Bible
may have been compiled old fish stories, but this reading made me feel
different. As I would pause and
contemplate, I would feel this foreign peace and presence, that I had
not experienced before. In the
previous year, I had experienced a new euphoria in drinking, but this
was something that was dealing with
the core of my being. I was experiencing comfort, security , and an
excitement (Joy and faith), as I read
anticipating what could possibly get better in this story of Jesus. It
did get better and better, the more I
read. It was the most real, intense euphoria, I could ever have
imagined.
Each night I would read and delve deeper and deeper into my
investigation, building on what I had
already experienced and learned. I read over, and over again, such
verses as, “I am holding you by your
right hand- I, the Lord your God- and say to you, Don‘t be
afraid; I am here to help you.” (Isaiah
41:13) And , “If God is on our side, who can ever be against
us?” (Romans 8:31) And , “Be strong!
Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them! For the Lord your God will be
with you. He will neither
fail you nor forsake you. (Deut. 31:6) Also, “The Lord is my
Helper and I am not afraid of anything
that mere man can do to me.” (Hebrews 13:6) And, one of the
clinchers for me was, “Fear not, for I am
with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I well strengthen you; I
will help you; I will uphold
you with my victorious right hand!” (Isaiah 41:10) As I read
these scriptures, which were under the
heading of “Fearful”,
“Insecure”, and
“Discouraged”, I could literally feel my heart melt
within
me. I was
just a torn up on the inside, insecure, fatherless, and now even
motherless, wounded, and powerless 16 year
old. I had believed that God was pretty much against me, and I was now
being transfused with the
understanding, for the first time, that God was overwhelmingly,
enthusiastically, supernaturally FOR ME!
This was happening deep within me. I realized that God was overhauling
my life, and the forgiveness I
needed to receive, along with this supernatural comfort and peace, were
all at work upon my being. Inside,
it was really as though I was cut up from an emotional knife fight,
brought on through my parents divorce,
my step dads words and oppression, and growing up in relative poverty.
This social class had lead to much
rejection from the surrounding wealthy community. I had even been
called the worst quarterback my coach
had ever seen my freshmen year, and truly was the skinniest, most
un-athletic starter on the team. I had
worked hard to overcome those faults, and had improved to become pretty
good by this time. But, all of
that turmoil within over all these issues was just melting like butter,
with this new found, beyond
description peace, comfort, security, love and joy.
Another verse that I read, really stood out to me in Mark 11:23,24. It
says, “If you only have faith in
God- this is the absolute truth- you can say to this Mount of Olives,
“Rise up and fall into the
Mediterranean,” and your command will be obeyed. All
that‘s required is that you really believe and have
no doubt! Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe,
you have it; it‘s yours! I
knew that the words I had been reading were supernatural as they burned
within my heart. I concluded
that These words, in this passage, were also true and would be able to
stand up to the test. So, I would add
this prayer for the “impossible”, that our football
team could beat Edison High School. I would break
down each part of this verse and say, OK, I believe in my heart, OK, I
don’t doubt it, OK, I pray and ask
for it. OK, these words must be true along with the rest of the truth I
was receiving and experiencing. I
hadn’t been taught by any teacher about how God was limited
on what He might, or might not, be willing
and able to do!
I continued to read and pray for hours each night that week. I believe
that my investigation had began
on a Sunday night. I now knew that the words I was reading were true,
real, and had touched my being like
nothing I could ever have imagined.
Finally, it was Friday and our team was waiting around in the
basketball gym etc.. One of the players,
Jim Kolachin, said that Edison’s quarterback, Frank Sier, who
went on to play about 10 years in the NFL,
had just sneered at him in the restroom, with an arrogant disgust for
him. It was confirmation for me, that
our motivation to humble this team, who was on the front of the sports
page every day, was right on track
to deflate them. As we walked out to the field as a team we waited to
let the Edison team cross before us. I
was breathing with this deep anger, and kept imagining what I had been
picturing in my mind, that is, my
helmet hitting their middle linebacker’s helmet and cracking
it! His name was Bill Malavasy, whose dad
was the coach of the LA Rams. I later would meet him, and find him out
to be a friendly guy. But I was
feeding off the fact that he had in prior years, according to our
players, put his fingers through their ear
holes when they were under the pile, and had even caused bleeding.
In warm ups, they looked as though they were an NFL team, and it was
exciting just to be on the field
with this caliber of a team. Their running back, Kerwin Bell, would
become the only freshmen up to that
time in the Big 8 conference (now the Big-12) to be named first team
all conference, as a running back.
Something that even Gail Sayers did not accomplish. Kerwin went on to
play at Kansas, because USC
would not also give his team mate Frank Sier a scholarship. John
Robinson, the USC coach was said to
have stated that he would keep Marcus Allen at fullback, if Kerwin Bell
would go to USC. Kerwin
suffered a knee injury at Kansas later in his career, and never made
the cut in the NFL. Mark Boyer, the
teams Tight End, went on to USC, and had a long NFL career. This team
had about 14 division one players
our senior year alone, and many more that I met in Junior College,
would go on to division 1 football. A
couple more players from my Junior College went to join a few of their
teammates at USC, with another at
CAL. I’m listing all these facts to say, that it is still the
best High School Football team I have ever seen.
Their 27 game win streak was just broken last year, I believe. (2006)
Kerwin Bell, the teams running
back, visited the Rams training camp before his Senior year at Edison.
He ran the forty yard dash at a
faster time than any LA Rams player!
In the locker room before the game, our team listened to the record of
General George Patton’s speech
from the movie “Patton”, played by George C. Scott.
I have never been on a team so focused, and fired up
for a game! One of the first few plays Kerwin Bell ran the ball for
about 15 yards, as one of our players
grabbed his shoe lace, or else it would have been eighty yards. I then
turned and stepped back from the
rest of the players on the sideline and prayed in sincerity,
“At least let it be close”. I was the backup
Quarterback at that time, and got in the game on the last series of the
first half. I got sacked on a safety
blitz on my only pass attempt of the series. I had tried to throw on
the sidelines warming up, but it had
been raining a lot prior to the game, and some during the game, making
passing truly impossible. The ball
was so slippery that my Quarterback coach asked my how far I could
throw, and I said about 20 yards or
so, because of the mud and rain. I could usually throw up to about 70
yards. We went into the locker
room at half time holding them to a zero, zero tie. Our defense would
hit their star players so hard, that one
of them actually went over to our huddle, thinking it was his own,
after being hit so hard. At half time,
our offensive coordinator Larry Doyle, went over some of the very high
tech reads I would need to do
when I got in the game. We were going to bring in a
“trips” offense, in order to surprise them with an
aggressive passing attack. If they were in a particular defense, on a
particular play, then I needed to inform
our slot receiver to change his route etc… I remember at
half time, literally feeling so squeamish, that it
was to the point of feeling sick to my stomach. I was wishing that I
didn’t have to go out from the locker
room at half time. My feelings were telling me to just stay in the
locker room, where things would be safe
and comfortable.
Half way through the 4th Quarter, Edison finally scored, making it 7-0.
The very next series I was put
in the game, and the first play I went long down the middle, and got
knocked down, so as not being able to
see if the receiver caught the ball, or not. I heard a loud roar from
the crowd, and was sure that Dino Bell,
Kerwins brother, who also would turn USC down, had intercepted the
ball. I began to walk with my head
down to the sidelines, when our running back called to me,
“where are you going? Get over here!”.
Apparently, Dino had missed, and we still had the ball. The next play
we came out in trips and I hit a five
yard out that went for 10 yards, or so. The next play ,or so, I went to
the other side and hit a ten yard out
for about 15 yards, or so on a future USC corner Duane Jackson. At this
point even a run play would work
for 10 yards, when we had virtually not been able to get any yards on
them. Every pass would get 10, or
15 yards. Finally we we’re down to the 4 yard line, and the
play was called for our other Quarterback Alan
Gaddis (The Orange County Athlete of the Year) to run the quarterback
sneak, and I was to line up in the
slot. I was a fish out of water, at anything but quarterback, and
barely knew where to line up without
getting us a penalty. It was to much confusion, and I knew that I could
get the touchdown. I convinced the
other player that I could do it, and they all agreed. As we lined up,
their All-Everything Middle
Linebacker, Bill Malavasi was directly in front of me. I was about 168
lbs, against his 210 lbs. I took the
snap , and buried my head right into his chest, and drove him back four
yards into the end zone. I went to
the sidelines, and was mobbed by my teammates. I literally could not
breath, and thankfully one of the
trainers got me over to the sidelines and put an oxygen mask on me. The
next series I went back in, and the
same thing was happening. Ten yards here, and fifteen there. I was
feeling this courage, joy, and strength
within rising up, just infusing me, strengthening me, right out from my
gut. Finally the play my coach had
prepared me for. I had to inform Alan that, “if they are in
cover 2 with the corners up, then change your
route from the slot, to a quick slant. They we’re not in this
defense until I started the count, and the corners
crept up. I threw the ball before Alan made his cut, trusting him to
run the slant route. He did, and took it
for about 20 yards. A play or two later, we had the same play called,
and their Middle Linebacker Bill
Malavasi, remembered the formation. He screamed to direct his defense
that it was going to their right, to
Alan Gaddis in the slot back position. I went along with him, and
dropped back and pumped hard to that
side with the ball, and then sat back and watched our Tight End streak
up the right hash and threw the ball
on a line for about 30 yards into the end zone for a touchdown. We were
ahead now 14 - 7. We got the
ball back again, and the same thing continued, we moved it all the way
down into the Red Zone. Another
pass play was called, and I sprinted out and had an open field in front
of me to run the ball in for a
touchdown, but I wanted to attempt another passing touchdown. The ball
bounced off the receiver, and we
had to settle for a field goal. Edison scored on a long pass to Kerwin
Bell, but we won 17-13! I dodged
reporters after the game, getting back to the locker room promptly.
I look back to see that I was just a football player that honestly
considered, and looked into the historical
and Biblical person of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. I found that He was,
beyond my wildest imaginations,
SO real. The words I read had registered in my being as true words, not
just old fish stories. I knew that
Jesus Christ was true (real), and that His words had worked
supernaturally within me, as thy penetrated
every facet of my being. He even put the icing on the cake, to confirm
His word personally to me, by
confirming it with signs and wonders following! (Mark 16:20, Romans
15:19, Acts 14:3, 2 Corinthians
12:12)