Study Tools
In 1975 I came ALIVE
The year was 1975 and it was dark and dreary. My heart was
cold,
hurt, and angry. I was mad at God and at myself. Mad at God for taking
my
mother when I was only sixteen years old. She was my heart and when she
was taken my heart was taken. It was gone. I was a cold, heartless,
cruel person. Wrapped in this anguish of soul I was searching for
answers only to find more disappointment. I had pushed my family and
friends away from me because of the ugly things in me. The only person
that showed me kindness and love was my girlfriend, and I frightened
her
with my anger and rage. One evening, I took it out on her and hurt her
physically and she left me, fearing for her life. She never left for
days, but she was hiding from my wrath. I couldn't find her and the
feeling of loneliness was overwhelming. I was scared and angry and
feeling so empty. In my opiated state and drunkenness, I decided one
night to end my life. I lived in a second story flat apartment and I
went up to the rooftop to hang myself. In this Midwest City of South
Milwaukee, the telephone poles are very close to the buildings and
there
are spikes for those to climb on the poles for repairs and maintenance.
I had in my hand an extension cord and I began to tie the cord onto one
of the spikes and make a slip knot. My intention was to hang myself and
show them (those that hurt me and rejected me) that they were wrong.
Little did I know that Someone else had a different plan for me being
on
that rooftop. I noticed across the alley way a little light above a
window, now this is 2:00 am or so, and in the window a crayon drawn
picture with the words "Jesus Loves YOU"!!! I gazed at that sign and
fell to my knees and cried like a baby. At that moment I turned my eyes
toward the sky and noticed the stars twinkling and cried out to God and
said, "How can you love someone like me?". If You will give me a new
life, a new start, I will take it. With tears streaming down my face I
prayed for the first time in years with sincerity and fervor, "Oh God,
accept me and make me something you can be proud of." Now calm and
peaceful, I went back to my apartment and fell onto my bed.
At around 11:00 am the next day I woke up and thought where did that
sign come from. I quickly rose to my feet and went back on the roof
and there hanging on the spike on the telephone pole was the extension
cord. My heart started to pound and I squinted my eyes to look across
the alley way and there it was, the sign, Jesus Loves YOU. I went with
eagerness to see why that sign was in the back of Pop's Pool Hall. As I
turned the corner to visit Pop's Pool Hall there was a sign on the
front
of the building, a ONE WAY Christian Coffee House in a street sign =
fashion. There wasn't anyone around so I decided to take on my day. It
was a few days later, one evening when I noticed some folks in front of
the building there standing around. I walked up to the folks there and
met some of the people. Nice folks, but not my kind of people. I felt
like I was standing among angels and had never felt so out of place in
my life. Then I met Jim and Sally and they asked if I would like some
coffee. I didn't even drink coffee and I said, sure. I took my first =
step into the beginning of my new life. It was rocky at first. I wanted
to argue with them about God and they could tell I was at odds with
God.
I talked to them until the wee hours of the morning. In fact, Jim gave
up and fell asleep on the couch and Sally began to work on me. She
started saying things like, "Do you want to start over?", "Do you want
a
clean slate?" It was too real I started getting scared and stopped
arguing with her. Really, I stopped arguing with God. All of a sudden,
very abruptly, I said to Sally, "I have to go" and out the door I went.
As I walked to my apartment the words that Sally spoke to me resounded
in my heart. When I entered my apartment I tried to go right to sleep
and just tossed and turned on my bed hearing Sally's voice, "start
over", "clean slate". This seemed impossible to me because of all the
rotten and terrible things I had done. I looked over at my clock and on
it was 6:30 am, so I jumped up and went back over to the coffee house.
I
knocked on the door and to my surprise, Sally shouts, "I knew you would
come back"! I told her that I wanted God to accept me and she said
kneel down right here and pray with me. I lifted my hands in the air
and
asked God to accept me and began to weep uncontrollably and it was like
a million pounds was being lifted off my shoulders. That moment I
discovered my Savior Jesus Christ. I was clean and at peace with God
and
myself.
Sally and I started to talk about what had happened to me and I
mentioned the sign in the back of the Coffee House and how it had saved
my life. She told me this story. Kristine her 7 year old daughter
colored that sign and insisted that it be placed in the back of the
Coffee House facing the alley. Sally tried to persuade her that it was
so beautiful it needed to be in the front where everyone could see it.
Kristine cried and said that she wanted it in the back. That sign saved
my life and that day I realized how much God loves me to sovereignty
have that sign placed for me. He used a 7 year old girl who was =
sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit to put it in an ordinary place to
be
used by God in an extraordinary way.
I told Sally I need to tell someone what just happened to me. It was
August 2, 1975 at around 7:30 am by now and my best friend Donny lived
about three blocks so I decided to wake him up and tell him what just
happened to me. I floated on air to his house and when I woke him up
and
told him what had happened, he said that I looked different. He
eventually came to the Lord within 48 hours. I have been serving and
loving the Lord since that day and what a glorious day it was. A New
START and a Clean Slate! May God bless all who read this testimony
because if God can save me, He can save anyone!